Welcome to the Splice Service Network
If you like Mr. Adrian Brody, Press 2 now
If you like nudity, Press 3 now
If you want to see Mr. Adrian Brody engaging in bestiality, Press 8 now
If you like half-squirrel, half-bat, half-kangaroo, half-amphibian, half-scorpion albino bald headed females with poisonous stinging tails and a propensity to switch genders at will, Press 9 now and we will send you a caller tune of the sounds they make during sex for a give away price of !!!N9.95k!!! (vat inclusive)
If you need another reason why scientists shouldn’t be allowed to procreate, Press 1
If you are uncertain about your sexuality, Press 4
If you still want to see this movie despite all theses freaky-weird-oh-my-God-what-was-I-thinking-ness, you are clearly a dysfunctional, screwed up, we-feel-sorry-for-your-mother nut job, Press 5
Good luck.
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